Hookahs, Laughter, Cyanide, and Happiness

I don't think my friends really know how much I appreciate them. I've never had a better group of friends than I do at this stage of my life. Sometimes I miss the old days and the old group. But really, I think my friends now are better than ever before.
To the ones that have been around for a while: Thank you for sticking around for so long. You guys have gone through the darkest days of my life with me, and I thank you for it. You've also given me some of the greatest days and memories that I will remember forever.
To my current friends that haven't been around since the beginning: You guys are so awesome. I'm glad that you have all come into my life over the past year or so. I have so much fun when we are together, that even if I want to stay home that night, I still come to hang out. Thanks for all the laughs and good conversations.

There is a song by one of my favorite bands, Skillet, that I would like to share with you. I think it's appropriate. It's called "Those Nights". And blogspot won't let me copy and paste, so just search for it on youtube. : )

But seriously guys, Thank you.

Dreaming of a Big Future

Sometimes I wonder where this life is taking me. At times I feel like I know....or at least have a hint. Other times I feel completely lost and confused. Right now I feel like I'm on to something. Something big. Something that will transform my life and change it entirely. I'm scared. I'm scared of what it could mean and what kind of sacrifices I would need to make in order to make it happen. I'm not a writer and I wish I was. I'm just no good at it. I also wish people still wrote like they did in the 1700's. There is such beauty in the language and sentence structure. And now I'm just rambling. Have you ever felt on the edge? The edge of something amazing, something big, or something disastrous? There is such a feeling of excitement and dread. Wonder and fear. When I look back at my life in old age, I want to be able to look back and see that I did something great. Something good. Something. I want to be an old man with experience and wisdom no one can measure. The kind of man that you simply look at and know that he was there. He saw it first hand. He felt it physically. And you respect him for it. Most importantly however, is look back and know that I did what God wanted me to do, when God wanted me to do it. Because if you do this, then the rest will fall into place. I feel on the edge and all I hope is that my wings are ready. This has been choppy and all over the map....but isn't that how we think? So these are my thoughts as I dream of a big future. May God bless you and keep you, and make his face to shine upon you. Go now in peace and I'll see you next time.

Dreaming

someday things will make sense
hope will be restored
and the sun will rise
but never set
chaos will die
and my mind will be my own
goals will be reachable
and hate won't exist
someday things will make sense


Originally written 4-13-05.

Thank You

what once was fun
has turned to bitterness
what once was close friendship
has turned to coldness
what once was trust
has turned to hate
as the once close friends
turn to bitter enemies
thank you
for the betrayal
for the abandonment
and for the indifference
thank you


Originally written 4-13-05.

Ode To A Friend

you watched me fall
and did nothing
I cried out for help
and you ignored me
I tried to climb back up
and you walked away
hate and bitterness took hold
my heart turned cold

now you are falling
and I am laughing
because you cry for help
when you gave me none
you try to climb back up
and I will push you back down
because hate and bitterness took hold
and my heart turned cold


Originally written 4-13-05.

A Day In The Life

it's a lonely road I walk
a winding piece of path
through the forest of my heart
though beauty and peace surround me
the loneliness slowly obscures it

it's the loneliness that closes in around me
that keeps me from feeling the warm sun
from seeing the light
a wolf cries in the distance
I am alone
and I am scared


Originally written the other day, 5-2-07.

In The Mountains

The buzzing bee flew past my ear
As I sit in the peaceful meadow
Flowers of all colors
Surround me like an ocean of beauty
The cool stream nearby
Adds to the serene atmosphere
The birds are chirping and flying overhead
Free to sing and roam as they please
A few deer graze at the edge of the forest
While the clouds pass dreamily by
The gentle breeze
Flows through the flowers
Like waves in the ocean
'Tis my favorite place to go
In the world of my imagination


Originally written in the spring of 2004.