Deep Thoughts of a Wildman

Hookahs, Laughter, Cyanide, and Happiness

2008-03-01T20:56:00.003-05:00

I don't think my friends really know how much I appreciate them. I've never had a better group of friends than I do at this stage of my life. Sometimes I miss the old days and the old group. But really, I think my friends now are better than ever before.
To the ones that have been around for a while: Thank you for sticking around for so long. You guys have gone through the darkest days of my life with me, and I thank you for it. You've also given me some of the greatest days and memories that I will remember forever.
To my current friends that haven't been around since the beginning: You guys are so awesome. I'm glad that you have all come into my life over the past year or so. I have so much fun when we are together, that even if I want to stay home that night, I still come to hang out. Thanks for all the laughs and good conversations.

There is a song by one of my favorite bands, Skillet, that I would like to share with you. I think it's appropriate. It's called "Those Nights". And blogspot won't let me copy and paste, so just search for it on youtube. : )

But seriously guys, Thank you.

Dreaming of a Big Future

2008-02-25T23:51:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I wonder where this life is taking me. At times I feel like I know....or at least have a hint. Other times I feel completely lost and confused. Right now I feel like I'm on to something. Something big. Something that will transform my life and change it entirely. I'm scared. I'm scared of what it could mean and what kind of sacrifices I would need to make in order to make it happen. I'm not a writer and I wish I was. I'm just no good at it. I also wish people still wrote like they did in the 1700's. There is such beauty in the language and sentence structure. And now I'm just rambling. Have you ever felt on the edge? The edge of something amazing, something big, or something disastrous? There is such a feeling of excitement and dread. Wonder and fear. When I look back at my life in old age, I want to be able to look back and see that I did something great. Something good. Something. I want to be an old man with experience and wisdom no one can measure. The kind of man that you simply look at and know that he was there. He saw it first hand. He felt it physically. And you respect him for it. Most importantly however, is look back and know that I did what God wanted me to do, when God wanted me to do it. Because if you do this, then the rest will fall into place. I feel on the edge and all I hope is that my wings are ready. This has been choppy and all over the map....but isn't that how we think? So these are my thoughts as I dream of a big future. May God bless you and keep you, and make his face to shine upon you. Go now in peace and I'll see you next time.

Dreaming

2007-05-10T23:09:00.000-04:00

someday things will make sense
hope will be restored
and the sun will rise
but never set
chaos will die
and my mind will be my own
goals will be reachable
and hate won't exist
someday things will make sense

Originally written 4-13-05.

Thank You

2007-05-10T23:05:00.000-04:00

what once was fun
has turned to bitterness
what once was close friendship
has turned to coldness
what once was trust
has turned to hate
as the once close friends
turn to bitter enemies
thank you
for the betrayal
for the abandonment
and for the indifference
thank you

Originally written 4-13-05.

Ode To A Friend

2007-05-10T22:59:00.000-04:00

you watched me fall
and did nothing
I cried out for help
and you ignored me
I tried to climb back up
and you walked away
hate and bitterness took hold
my heart turned cold

now you are falling
and I am laughing
because you cry for help
when you gave me none
you try to climb back up
and I will push you back down
because hate and bitterness took hold
and my heart turned cold

Originally written 4-13-05.

A Day In The Life

2007-05-04T03:09:00.000-04:00

it's a lonely road I walk
a winding piece of path
through the forest of my heart
though beauty and peace surround me
the loneliness slowly obscures it

it's the loneliness that closes in around me
that keeps me from feeling the warm sun
from seeing the light
a wolf cries in the distance
I am alone
and I am scared

Originally written the other day, 5-2-07.

In The Mountains

2007-04-19T13:29:00.000-04:00

The buzzing bee flew past my ear
As I sit in the peaceful meadow
Flowers of all colors
Surround me like an ocean of beauty
The cool stream nearby
Adds to the serene atmosphere
The birds are chirping and flying overhead
Free to sing and roam as they please
A few deer graze at the edge of the forest
While the clouds pass dreamily by
The gentle breeze
Flows through the flowers
Like waves in the ocean
'Tis my favorite place to go
In the world of my imagination

Originally written in the spring of 2004.

Questions of Light

2007-04-18T23:39:00.000-04:00

as the clouds move in and cover the moon
these questions stir in my heart
faith
is it real?
or is it just a feeling?
it has to be real
or I've been deceived
my entire life
but maybe it isn't real
what then?
the light is now gone
and darkness covers me once again

Originally written 7-20-05.

A Youth Group's Requiem

2007-04-18T23:32:00.000-04:00

don't give me your crap again
you say you speak life
but all I hear is the selfishness
and lies
you tell us you care
that you're here for us
but you don't mean it
you don't really care
so don't give me your crap again

Originally written 7-19-05

Dry Inspiration

2007-04-18T23:23:00.000-04:00

My inspiration has run dry
why?
because I have put my focus
on anything but God
this storm has clouded my head
and distracted my thoughts
the question of who I am
and where I belong
hound me day and night
demons play with my faith
not knowing it will only make me stronger
but then I turn around
and find you were here all along
just waiting for me to stop
and focus on you

Originally written sometime in late July or early August of 2004

Satan's Nightmare

2007-04-18T23:14:00.000-04:00

The night has faded
and the light has come
the enemy has gathered
let us go out and make war upon him
so that he will never forget
the name of this warrior for God

The battle will be intense
and the fighting fierce
but always will the enemy
rue the day he chose to meet us in battle
the day his greatest ambition
became his worst nightmare
for victory will be ours

Originally written in July 2004.

The Fire Within

2007-04-18T23:13:00.000-04:00

I fear
I worry
I sweat
because this fire burns within me
why won't I let it out

Originally written in June 2004.

Spiritual Warfare (It's Time)

2007-04-18T23:06:00.000-04:00

We are warriors for God
We are constantly waging spiritual warfare
It's time we stop enlisting to the reserves
It's time to stop hiding in the underground
It's time we boldly proclaim who and what we are
It's time for an invasion

We need to invade our schools
Our malls, our cities, and even some of our churches
We need to boldly proclaim the name of Jesus Christ
24/7 in this warzone called earth

One of my first. Originally written in August 2003.

The Final Victory

2007-04-17T00:12:00.000-04:00

the Lord comes like a mighty storm
His people rise up like a giant wave
as the millions take to the streets
and begin to worship the Lord
with a force that shakes the earth to its core
demons flee and Satan hides
as the brilliant light of God
floods the night sky
lightning flashes and thunder roars
as the Lord's presence falls
and leaves no darkness
for the final victory is God's

Originally written 6-12-06

Welcome Home

2007-04-17T00:03:00.000-04:00

listen to the beautiful silence
feel the wonderful peace surrounding you
hear the warm words being spoken to your heart
look at the glorious cross
see the blood of Jesus dripping to the ground
behold the crucified Savior
see the nails in His hands and feet
feel the cold wind on your face
see the pain on His face
hear the shouts of the crowd
look at the crown of thorns on His head
see the warmth and love in His eyes
feel Him take His last breath
feel the ground shake
see the sky cloud over
the curtain is torn
the veil is lifted
see the blinding light
feel the peace surround you
hear the loving voice of Jesus say
welcome home

Originally written 6-13-06

Thunderstorm

2007-04-16T20:53:00.000-04:00

we want God to show up in powerful ways
we want God to reveal himself
and show us his power
do you not hear the thunder?
do you not see the lightning?
can you not see the flooding rain
that is washing away our sins?
God's power is here in the thunder
and here in the lightning
his healing rain is washing away
our sins in a flood of forgiveness
God is in the thunderstorm
God is the thunderstorm

Originally written 7-19-05

War Within

2007-04-16T20:42:00.000-04:00

I'm at war within myself
while angels and demons fight around me
the battle inside rips me apart
tearing apart my flesh from the inside out
the internal bleeding slowly kills
ripping
bleeding
fighting myself
the madness is too much
as the unseen enemy moves
through the mists of my mind
and watches as I slowly kill myself
from the war within

Originally written 4-8-05

A Day With God

2007-04-14T00:31:00.000-04:00

feel the warmth of the sunshine upon your face
feel the cool breeze flowing through the tree tops
see the light reflecting off the water
listen to the sweet melody of the birds
look at the vivid colors of the trees
the reds, oranges, and yellows
feel the peace that surrounds you
listen to the beautiful sound that is silence
when you are by yourself
but not alone

Originally written 10-09-04

Help Me

2007-04-14T00:17:00.000-04:00

Help me
I'm bleeding from the inside out
Please help me
I'm screaming your name until you come back

These feelings inside
I just can't hide
So I'm giving them all to you
Yeah, I'm giving them all to you

Help Me....

I just can't take it anymore
So I'm falling to the floor
I'm lifting up my hands
And screaming out your name

Help Me....

JESUS
HELP ME
I'M BLEEDING
PLEASE SAVE ME
JESUS
I LOVE YOU
PLEASE SAVE ME

Originally written 12-06-04

Fighting Brokeness

2007-04-10T23:57:00.000-04:00

tears falling down again
why have I done this again
broken somewhere deep inside
can't find it
can't hide it
darkness falls extinguishing the light
fight it
don't let it get you down
the sun will rise
so don't lose hope
tears falling down
broken somewhere deep inside
can't find it
can't hide it
fight it

Originally written 3-30-05.

The Times That Try

2007-04-10T23:00:00.000-04:00

The Times that try us
are the most important ones
Their memories help us through life
and guide us on our journey
They show us what we're made of
and who we are inside

Originally written in July 2004.

White As Snow

2007-04-06T20:49:00.000-04:00

Last night at CRU we sang two different songs about Jesus washing away our sins and making us as white as snow. That's exactly what he did. He came to earth to die a painful, humiliating death on the cross so that we may be free from sin. He used His blood to wash it all away. To make us as white as snow.

Today is Good Friday. The day that Jesus was nailed to the cross. The day that Jesus took on the burden of our sins and took it away from us. The day he made us white as snow.

Today in Muncie, IN....it snowed.

Here It Is

2007-04-06T13:38:00.000-04:00

Well, here it is. A blog. And it's mine. Yup. I will probably use this as a place to dump my poems that I have written/will write. There might be some other things that show up as well.

Man, a blog. And it's MINE....